Never Alone

The  year ‘s end is quickly approaching, meaning that my blog has been up and running for nearly  sixteen months. Sixteen months of our journey has been charted. Unfortunately, I have been less than diligent to record every happening. Sometimes it seems to hard, and lately I find myself  selfishly shamed by the progression of my mom’s Disease.  In fact, it is for this very reason that I have put off writing this post.

While home for Thanksgiving I witnessed for the first time the uncontrollable jerking spasms in her arms. It prohibits her from holding drinks, food, etc. as she does not even realize they are occurring. An appointment with a neurologist has been made, and I am sure he will tell us it is all part of the progression of this Disease I am hating more and more each day. On the bright side, I am thankful that she doesn’t realize she has these unusual movements. Sadly, however, it is a reminder to all those around her , who love her so dearly, that she is getting worse.

For the past month, or so, my mom has been obsessed with something in the dining room at my parents house. One wall in that room is mirrored, and knowing she has been curious about her reflection for a while  I naturally assumed it had something to do with that.  Just recently I found out she has started spending several hours a day in the mirror in the dining room talking to herself. I don’t know if she knows it is her  that she is talking to, but she must feel comfort from the familiarity of the face and voice.

I hesitated to share this. It is so personal, what I consider to be the most personal thing I have shared thus far in my journey with you over the past year. I know my old Mom. I know what a strong, self-sufficient, social woman she was. I think this was what she feared when she  was diagnosed. Loosing control of herself.

While I am “Debbie Downer” most of the time when thinking about my mom, my Auntie Joye and Reid both brought up great thoughts that have humbled me – my mom may not be well, but she is, for the most part, happy, and certainly loved.

These are lyrics to one of my favorite new songs by Jim Brickman and Lady Antebellum:

Never Alone

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when its time to go home

May you always have plenty

The glass never empty

Know in your belly

You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing

You find friends worth having

With every year passing

They mean more than gold

May you win but stay humble

Smile more than grumble

And know when you stumble

You're never alone

Chorus: 

Never alone

Never alone

I'll be in every beat of your heart

When you face the unknown

Wherever you fly

This isn't goodbye

My love will follow you stay with you

Baby you're never alone

well

I have to be honest

As much as I wanted

I'm not gonna promise that the cold winds won't blow

So when hard times have found you

And your fears surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Chorus 

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when its time to go home

And when hard times have found you

And your fears surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Chorus 

My love will follow you stay with you

Baby you're never alone