Never A Dull Moment

Mom was not doing very well when we got to the hospital tonight. I was so hopeful for another night like last night, but we found her in the common room, where we had left her this afternoon, leaning forward with her head still tilted downward, crying. Her cry these days is very quiet. There are hardly any tears, but her face still contorts to show she is upset. There is no way to explain the pain I felt when I saw her. My dad and I wheeled her to her room, changed her clothes, and moved her onto her bed. One of my favorite childhood memories were the mornings that George, El, and I would climb into bed with my mom and dad early in the mornings and all snuggle up. I was still snuggling in bed with my mom while taking afternoon naps just a few months ago. I can even remember crawling into bed next to her the morning after Reid and I got engaged, waking her up, and telling her we needed to start planning. So, tonight when we tucked her into her hospital bed, it seemed only appropriate th...

Today marked the beginning of my second week here in Little Rock, and my mom's 10th day in the Geri Psych Unit. My dad had a phone conference with my mom's doctor this morning and we determined that she will be ready to leave their facility this week. We also learned that, according to the doctor (who is not God) that he thinks my mom has about 3 to 6 months to live. I make the clarification that the doctor is not God because it is written clearly in Psalm 139:16, "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." It seems silly that I read this verse everyday, and yet I still tell my mom she can go to Jesus when she is ready. Like she needs my permission, or something. I think it is part of letting go, of even telling God we are ready for Him to take her. We know she is ready, so now we wait on Him.  My prayer for my mom right now is Psalm 40:1-4, "I waited p...

For the first time in my blogging history I really don't know what to say. I keep waiting to update thinking I will have something positive to say, but I might be waiting a very long time for that.  Mom was started on a new medication Tuesday that seems to have stopped the combativeness, but she is in a very sedated state because of it, rarely responding even we ask her to squeeze our hands. To give you an idea of where she is cognitively, the only response we get from her that makes sense is when we say "I love you." She will usually respond with a faint "I love you." Other than that there is no sensible communication, she does not show affection, but occasionally makes a movement that would indicate she knows my dad, Mimi, or Auntie Joye are in the room (even seeing something in these movements could be our hopefulness).  It is crazy to think that, in a sense, we made it through our first Christmas without my mom. Even as I write this, the emotions I felt as I...

My sister and I were driving home from visiting my mom at the hospital this afternoon. What we saw as we reached the top of the hill in our neighborhood reminded us that sometimes it takes a lot of rain to make the grass this green but in the end God's going to show us a rainbow. Funny how God can send something as simple as a rainbow to make me remember this. -- Post From My iPhone

Dear Friends and Family, After coming to the realization that bringing my mom home no longer an option my dad and I set out to find a facility that will best care for her needs. Over the past two days we visited Chenal Heights, Little Rock Healthcare, Northridge, and Presbyterian Village. Our choice, as of now, is Presbyterian Village. I know, many of you may have many kind recommendations on places that your family members have been; right now I do not need to hear them. Sorry and thank you, but I have to be honest.  My mom was pretty agitated yesterday. She gets pretty over-stimulated during visiting hours and can become upset. Yesterday was my turn for her to not like me. She was pretty agitated with me from the moment my dad and I walked in the room, even though she didn't know who I was. Her condition was the same today, and they decided to start a new drug regimen to see if it helps control the combativeness. Today, during the last 15 minutes we were visiting she had calmed d...

Dear Friends and Family, Today was the second full day for Mom to be on the medications. We are still seeing severe swings in her mood. We are hoping this will become more stable as the dosage is regulated and she is finally able to sleep. She slept eight hours last night (she probably has not slept eight hours in the past week). She was much more alert for our afternoon visiting hour. She was walking (wandering) with her favorite CNA , Amber. She was a bit agitated, as well.  When my dad and I went back for our thirty minute evening visit she was much more medicated after becoming increasingly agitated this evening. She was crying, hallucinating, and trying to get out of the wheelchair she was strapped into. I sang "You are my sunshine" and "Jesus Loves Me" to help her calm down. I was able to tell her how much I love her and how special she is. My dad did the same. I know she might not remember, but we will. After talking to my mom's nurse today, the reality t...

Dear Friends and Family, I have been sitting at my computer for the past hour, trying to figure out the most appropriate way to write this email. To be honest, I think I could sit here all night. I don't know the most appropriate way to write it, or if there even is one. I waited to write this email until I made it to Little Rock and was able to see my mom and have a better understanding of our situation. Over the past week to ten days the progression of my mom's disease has been tremendous. She became increasingly agitated and combative and was admitted to UAMS for an overnight stay. During her stay she was evaluated by a team of doctors from the Center on Aging. They determined the following: - Evaluating dementia on a scale of one to seven, with seven being the most severe and advanced, my mom was rated as a six. - At that point, the average time patients live is 6 months to two years. It was recommended that my mom be sent to the Baptist Hospital Geriatric Psychiatric Ward ...

While Reid and I were in Little Rock for Thanksgiving, Ashley Carson took our family portrait. It was really important to George, Eleanor, and me that we pictures while my mom was still aware of what was going on. Seeing how things have declined so quickly since these pictures were taken, I am so thankful we have them and will always remember our sweet Mama the way she looked the day we took these pictures. I wanted you all to have the chance to see them, too. Hope you enjoy and think about using Ashley if you live in Little Rock! Go to http://www.ashleycarsonphotography.com click on 'proofing' in the upper right side of the page the password is 'bain'

I learned shortly after writing my previous post that my mom's friend in the mirror has a name - Sally. We have no idea where this came from, except that my mom had a childhood friend by the same name. She is spending mor and more time with Sally in the dining room mirror. My mom even told my sweet dad he could visit her in the dining room anytime he wanted. Naturally, my dad had a clever idea like asking my mom if she would mind if he took Sally on a date sometime. At least we still have our sense of humor! To be honest, I thought the grieving would be easier once we passed the stage where she was so confused, crying all the time, wanting to die, not wanting to die, being scared, feeling bad she was making my dad take care of her. But, selfishly, it isn't. You begin to realize how quickly their time has gone. You wonder why you weren't allowed just one more "good" year. You wonder how they wake up every morning with just a little more gone. You wonder how much lo...

The   year ‘s end is quickly approaching, meaning that my blog has been up and running for nearly   sixteen months. Sixteen months of our journey has been charted. Unfortunately, I have been less than diligent to record every happening. Sometimes it seems to hard, and lately I find myself   selfishly shamed by the progression of my mom’s Disease.   In fact, it is for this very reason that I have put off writing this post. While home for Thanksgiving I witnessed for the first time the uncontrollable jerking spasms in her arms. It prohibits her from holding drinks, food, etc. as she does not even realize they are occurring. An appointment with a neurologist has been made, and I am sure he will tell us it is all part of the progression of this Disease I am hating more and more each day. On the bright side, I am thankful that she doesn’t realize she has these unusual movements. Sadly, however, it is a reminder to all those around her , who love her so dearly, that she is getting worse....

I thought "Mare Moments" were over...I hate to say it, but they are not. I like to say I am pretty up-to-date with the latest, greatest gadgets. I have a husband who loves electronics and truly uses the million GB iPod , emails like crazy on his Blackberry, was fitted at the Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist for noise reducing earphone tips - yes that is my man! That said, I enjoy catching up on the newest product releases - phones, game boxes, computers, and especially cameras. Reid's dad has a love of photography and one day I hope to be able to capture images as well as he does.  I was looking on the Best Buy web site the other night at new cameras. My last camera was given to me for Christmas my sophomore year of college. In the world of technology, you could say things have changed just a bit since then. The amount of mega pixels have doubled, cameras have gotten smaller, and they now even come in really cute colors! I was also shocked when I noticed there seemed to b...

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and  female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.  Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.  We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

When I say Luke and Emme get cuter everyday I am not being biased - there are pictures to prove it! The first was from this morning. We were playing in the playroom and Emme and I left to get her and Luke a snack. When we returned we found Luke playing blocks with his "Luke" figure he made at school. *note that he is also wearing goggles! Later this evening after dinner (their parents went to eat with some friends) I told the kids it was almost time to take a bath. A few minutes later I walked into the kids bathroom to find Emme "ready" for her bath. The sweet girl loves water, and thankfully doesn't know how to turn on the bath yet! Hope you enjoyed a glimpse of what my fun days are like! -- Post From My iPhone